Devotion

My husband had to carve out time to take care of my children so I could go away from home by myself for even an hour. He didn't think of it intuitively; I had to ask for it. I had to decide on something I wanted to do without children and then I had to negotiate to make sure every child's needs were met while I went. My husband didn't automatically make that calculation; his default was to work outside our home all day, come home, eat, do laundry, and sleep (I made it clear early on that he had to make sure he had a work shirt for the next day). To be fair, he worked as a restaurant manager on a crazy schedule and he didn't always have time where he was both conscious and able to focus on children so I could leave. But we made it work.

We did have to work on it together; if my husband decided unilaterally that I needed time away, and sent me out of the house or sent me to my room to sleep, that backfired. I then spent more time explaining to him what he needed to do with the children to make sure they were all fed and did their schoolwork and got to their activities, than I would have had time away. It was often just easier to do it myself. I remember feeling that it was almost impossible to let go of my responsibilities, even for a moment.

I'm reminded of this as one of my children has moved out of my house into their sibling's house; I asked the sibling how the moving child was doing. The sibling exclaimed, "You just can't shut it off, can you!"

Well, no. I can't shut off being mom. And I'm not asking because I'm trying to pry or interfere. I'm concerned, for both of you. I want to know you're okay, and if I can help, how. What do you need, my child, that I can give? I'm already praying for you with all my heart.