Alone time

I absolutely loved marriage and motherhood, especially the having someone to hug every single day. Touch is a major love language for me, and even with seven children I have only rarely overwhelmed my need for touch... when I'm well rested and cheerful. Being chronically tired from lack of sleep and stress made that more difficult as my children got older.

I chose to homeschool, and my husband agreed, to prevent/deal with bullying, and to better tailor their educations to our individual children. (Bullying still happens outside of public schools, but as homeschoolers we didn't have to stay there and take it.) My ability to understand people and sympathize has greatly expanded, as has my ability to recognize when I've made a mistake and my willingness to apologize, due to being with my children all the time. I made lots of mistakes and I had to be a detective to figure out what they need day to day and long term.

I spent many, many hours up late at night getting some alone time, and spent hours in the bathroom with a novel or history book because that's the only place I could lock the door and be by myself for a few minutes. My husband worked many, many hours and made it a priority that when he was home, he spent time with me and the children, plus we went on a date every couple weeks, as often as we could get a babysitter, so we could reconnect with each other.

I still need alone time, and for years was short sleep because I wanted a few minutes peace and quiet before sleeping. I know people who got up before their children to get that peace and quiet; that did not work for me.

I had to set clear boundaries with my children, which helped me when it came time to set boundaries with neighbors. I owe my children attention; I don't owe my neighbors nearly as much. I can only do what I can do, and usually that means cutting down on commitments, not adding them. The book, The 8th Habit, by Stephen Covey, helped me. It helped me see that there's a difference between determining the best way to climb a wall, and determining which wall I should climb. Priorities and direction are more important than speed.